Akila Daily

Akila is a young man. He is keeping this live journal and opens his heart to us as he goes through life. Many other people may also be mentioned, especially Akila's lover Priska. Any resemblance with an actual situation or person would be on purpose.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The Sunglasses Effect

Next and third laser session planned for this friday.
Everytime Akila thought he was ready to endure it, it ended up more painful than ever.
The second session was a harsh one.
Akila is still dealing with the aftermath, mainly, the lost of accuracy in his left eye, which happens to be the one that hurt the most. Is it a coincidence?

Anyway, Akila has to make up his mind and be man enough to go and bravely undergo the third round. It can't be worse. Somebody said once: "the good thing when you reach the worst, is that it can only get better". Question is: "How do you know when it's the worst?"

The summer time is here. Time to resume wearing T-shirts, soft clothes, dress casual, be fashion ...
Akila recently bought sunglasses for himself. Sunglasses have this special feature, that they always make you look nicer. Wow, it draws everyone's attention when you are passing by.
The merchant was a nice guy, very professional, though his shop only consist in a couple of eyeglasses spread all over a white piece of cloth on a short table. He gets off from his chair under a rather big umbrella whenever a bypasser seemed to show aslight interest in the sunglasses.
He was an average negotiator, mentioning some technical optical issues he was unable to explain to Akila when asked.

Finally, Akila bought it axactly half the inital pricing but yet a bit more than what he intended to pay for sunglasses. Anyway, he was happy to finally have something to shelter his eyes under. While trying it on, across the saturday evening Casablanca busy streets, he came across a friend of his, who said he looked like an actor! He he! Quite flattering! But Akila couldn't help but thinking why it takes so little (sunglasses) to change his look so dramatically (actor).
Now Akila can also remember a few days ago, while going out for lunch, a few steps away from the building's entrance, there was a group of workmen, probably painters, resting and hiding from the blazing sun. While passing by, with his sunglasses on, Akila heard one of them, spotting him and yelling "Mother f...er!!" The sunglasses once again made the difference. What? Being black and having sunglasses on almost automatically turns one into some sort of african american dude, with all that come along : rude language, hip hop lifestyle ...Akila couldn't be angry againt the fellow workman, since the guy is already a pure victim of narrow-mindedness.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Events

Akila finally made it to the hospital for his laser treatment. That first session (out of 4) was planned for a friday. The day before he had to rush himself to the insurance company, in order to get the agreement saying they would reimburse the cost of the treatment.
At the hospital that friday morning, around 8 o'clock, there were two ladies and a baby, all three quite ...ahem ahem ... fat. Not to be pejorative, but it struck Akila to see how healthy and chubby and full that baby girl was. She wasn't even old enough to walk.
Akila had to go out for a while and when he came bakc, another group of ladies already came in. Two elderly, around 45 to 50, and tow younger, around 30.
The elderly and one scarf-wearing younger women were chatting and the other one was sitting as quiet as a tomb, holding her head in her hands. So Akila understood that the latter was sick and the rest was there as company.
Regularly, a nurse came to drop some liquid on Akila eyes, in order to swell up his eyeballs and so get the ready for the operation.
It is weird to be in a state like that, where one's sight grows dimmer and dimmer. Akila wasn't even able to read the magazines on the table in front of him after a while.
When, about an hour and a half later, he finally got to the operation room, he was still wondering how it would go. So far he didn't hear screaming from those who went before him. That's comforting.

Well you don't scream, not because it doesn't hurt but because you forehead and chin are firmly stuck in the machine, while the laser beam goes on and off your eyes. Akila was so tense, it reminded him of the time he found himself on the dentist's chair, waiting for some whizzing, spinning and incredibly powerful needles to perform their healing job in his aching, wide-open mouth... what a painful experience. The kind that made Akila always brush his teeth at least three times a day. In order both to keep being healthy and avoid that dreadful dentist's experience!

Back to the ophthalmologist's chair. Akila had to keep on eye open, staring at an imaginary point depending on where the doctor wanted him to point to, when at the same time, the other eye was being thorougly riddles with laser beam. It was a very long 15mn for Akila. Then it was the other eye's turn, and there you go again. FLASH!

With a terrible headache and eyes dazzled by the outdoor summer sun, he had to find a taxi and go home. And quickly heal the bruise before the next session in two weeks.

Friday, May 20, 2005

What's real?

Akila has been thinking for a while about this issue: reality. What is it? How is it important to him?
Mental alienation or insanity aren't just when someone has lost the sense of reality?
But aren't we all somewhat alienated since we don't see the same reality?
Akila has had a funny time some days ago with a friend of his, who works in a bank.
This fellow, whom we'll name Y., had been in the same college as Akila, so they spent a nice time reminiscing about the past and nice moments: this old professor that wanted to burn his floppy disks fearing that some evil "virus" might survive formatting, that student that once pretended fainting so that his wanna-be girlfriend would come and cradle him, that other programming professor that just couldn't spell an english word correctly...Those were innocent and great times!
But now Y. has been married for 2 years so far and seems to have some troubles.
Y. would like things to be like in the good old times where he could keep it innocent and do whatever he wanted, without it been overemphasized by some controlling wife. At college, he could sleep late, watching along with next door neighbours, the latest blockbuster which he downloaded the night before from some underground website, or listening to several gigabytes of danceful MP3s and all that not matter the class he was having in few hours. That was freedom!
Now two things take him to bed even from 9PM: his wife and his job!
His old dad was telling him the day following his wedding ceremony: "My dear boy, let me reveal something to you: your wife will one day become your mama, just as your mom is to me now!"
Y. tried to laugh it off but his dad held on: "She's going to become your mama!, I know what I am talking about"
Now Y. can trust his dad, it has come true! Everyday with his wife is like "Go to bed honey, you must wake up early for work tomorrow! " or "Where are you going out again for, honey?" or "I don't like your friend X, he's too ..." and all he can answer is "Yes, honey!" "Ok honey", "Nothing honey" ...
Of course he loves his wife, he wouldn't live without her. But there are just some things he needs to adjust himself with. He has never imagined his marital life to be like that. Not that it's a bad life, it's just different from what he expected. The other problem is, he thought he could say anything to his wife, talk to her about all kinds of subjects...It happens to be quite dangerous to go that way. Like what he was telling Akila, he could never have this kind of discussion with his tender love without her making it a bigger issue than it really is. While he just wants to talk, his wife would compute in her mind and find out that he is not happy with : her, the house, their way of living etc. And she just can't agree with the fact that he's not content with all that he has!
They don't have the same view on the reality of daily life. Many things aren't just what they seem to be to each of them.

His other problem is a bit related to the above, he has no one to talk to. The daily routine has had him dancing on the same tune: work, home, week-end at mama's house (either mama) ...
At work, no time to chat with colleague, no break for a joke, everyone is uptight and only does his job, expecting to grab the attention of some director and receive a promotion in order to leave this small bank agency and move to the headquarters.
Everyone is oh too ambitious to engage in a relationship where they would not reap direct profit.
So it's not the proper time or place to make good friends. No one is real, everyone is playing a game. And not matter how long it lasts, the game will last until there's no more people to play.

There was many other topics in this conversation Akila had with Y. Basically, Y. was very happy to talk again to someone he can be open with. They updated their phone numbers directories and left.

This leaves Akila with a lot to think about about his own life and the things he goes through in his own relatives. Both near and far relatives. A whole lot to think about.